After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
