Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
