You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
