Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
