worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
