I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
