I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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