the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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