i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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