i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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