just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
