i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
