I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
