I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
