I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
