quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
