need another drink. this is the easiest way
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
