A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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