I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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