I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
