oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
