even my farts smell like vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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