Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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