dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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