drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
false alarm, still single
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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