the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
