Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
