I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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