i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we're making bets on your personal life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
