I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Bring me that man meat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
