One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
