Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
