it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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