it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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