I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
