So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
