Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
