Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
