You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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