If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
