You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
