wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was confusing and full of hummus
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Less talking, more tequila
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
