do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
