he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
