Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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