hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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