All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
