She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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