Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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