she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
